and you will love me and i will believe you

wrote this one last night:

i feel safe conforming to your nonconformity
further proof that i am not them (or even you really
for you would not dream to stoop to my level)
do you know that i would idolize you
goddess to my infinite and all-knowing confusion
i wish that sometimes
you could look at me so that i could see my reflection in your face
instead of hearing it in the ugly patterns of your voice
and maybe you could see me
instead of judge me
and i could laugh like you on fridays (but never mondays)
knowing that i am safe in the end
and you will love me and i will believe you


and these today:

i.

i see you in the halls
a moment cut off from either end
greetings are chosen from the same list of standardizations as the rest of our livs
fill in the oval for the most correct answer, number two pencil only please
the correct answer is c--

hey
(your echo) hey
(your eyes are somewhere else and i know you want me gone)
how's life?
(are you even alive?)
busy (you shrug
i nod you leave me standing alone one hand lifted in the air
waving with as litle movement as possible)

and both of us so young


ii.

i did not really expect you to be there
in the cold
beneath the concrete sky
i did not really expect you to be there
sprawled across your usual spot
but i could hope


iii.

sometimes
i wish you would cease to be my muse
(love of my life and bane of my existence)
i'm getting tired of every poem quivering
with all the sourness
of highschool and not-quite-unrequited love