a history of fumbled affections

he is always
somewhere not-quite
out of the acceptable
but always a bit more
un-expected
and
that is something (
knowing
look)
that i have always
admired

(i can only
speak his praises so
many times before
other motives
become apparant--
a history of awkward
exchanges, fumbled affections, pre-
adultrous
(help me i was fifteen i thought i was
in love i am
nineteen and i am
thinking maybe
in love)
experiements
too young for this sort of
long-term
commitment to fucking
(each other?)
it up with other people) it

always comes back to you.