glass
how fragile, like glass
how sharp
(the way you go straight to the bone)
an ache like Never...
. . . . .
been working on versions of this second one all day. still don't like the ending, but i wanted to put some kind of ending on it.
. . . . .
you disappear through a glass door
sliding neatly between one reality and the next
gone from my view
i have your sweater
your diary,
and the taste of your lip-gloss
still held in the palm of my hand
where do you go
when you leave me?
how sharp
(the way you go straight to the bone)
an ache like Never...
. . . . .
been working on versions of this second one all day. still don't like the ending, but i wanted to put some kind of ending on it.
. . . . .
you disappear through a glass door
sliding neatly between one reality and the next
gone from my view
i have your sweater
your diary,
and the taste of your lip-gloss
still held in the palm of my hand
where do you go
when you leave me?
3 Comments:
the first and last ones are quite good...and i agree that the last one isn't done, but it's a good start...i'm assuming you meant 'your' instead of 'you' second stanza hehe....the one thing about that line is, did you mean you hold the taste of the lip gloss in your hands or the lip gloss itself?...maybe "which i still hold" because it almost sounds like you're saying all three of those things are in your hand...i dunno, maybe it's just me that's confused, so i'd get a second opinion...keep working on it though...and also the 'december memories' thing!
eh, actually i did mean that i held the taste of her lip gloss in my hand. actually, i meant i held all three of those things (all too big to actually hold like that.) guess the idea didn't work out so well then? =/
btw that was gnat too...forgot to sign my comment^^;
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